I used to think life was something that happened to me. Things were either good or bad, and that was that.
If I had a great day, I felt lucky. If something went wrong, I thought the universe had it out for me. But over time, I learned that the way I see things shapes how I feel about them.
And the way I feel about them shapes what I do next. What if it isn’t what happens that matters most, but how we look at it?
In this piece, I want to share what helped me shift how I see what happens around me. I won’t tell you it’s easy all the time, because it’s not.
But it’s worth it. When you change how you see things, life doesn’t feel like one long series of ups and downs. It starts to feel like a story you get to write yourself.
The story you tell yourself shapes your world
Picture this: two people lose their jobs on the same day. One thinks, “I’m doomed. I’ll never find anything this good again.”
The other thinks, “Okay, time for something new.” Same event, two different ways of seeing it. And guess who feels better? Guess who takes action sooner? The second person does.
Your mind is full of stories. You tell yourself what something means, and that shapes how you feel about it.
If you can learn to spot those stories, you can decide which ones help you and which ones hold you back.
It’s not about lying to yourself or forcing fake cheer. It’s about finding a way to look at what happens that helps you move forward.
Question what you believe about events
When something happens that feels hard or painful, most people react without thinking. We jump to conclusions.
We tell ourselves what it means before we even have all the facts. But what if you pressed pause for a second?
Ask yourself: “What am I telling myself about this? Is that the only way to see it?”
I’ve caught myself plenty of times assuming the worst. I’d get a short email and think someone was mad at me. I’d miss out on something and think I’d ruined my chances forever.
But when I stopped and asked what else it could mean, I often found a better way to see it. Maybe that person was just busy.
Maybe the thing I missed wasn’t right for me in the first place.
What feels like failure could be a step forward
There’s no avoiding the fact that things go wrong sometimes. You’ll mess up. You’ll make choices that don’t turn out the way you hoped.
But here’s the thing: what feels like failure right now might look like progress when you look back.
I once spent months working on a project that fell apart at the last minute. At the time, I felt like I’d wasted all that effort.
But later, I realized that the work I did taught me skills I used to land a better gig. The setback was part of the path. I just didn’t see it at the time.
Try asking yourself: “How could this help me later? What can I learn from this?” You won’t always have the answers right away, but even asking those questions helps you see what happens in a new way.
People aren’t always thinking what you think they are
We spend so much time guessing what’s in other people’s heads. And most of the time, we’re wrong. That friend who didn’t text back?
Maybe they’re overwhelmed, not angry. That client who gave you vague feedback? Maybe they’re unsure what they want, not secretly judging your work.
When you catch yourself assuming what someone else thinks or feels, stop for a second. Ask yourself: “Do I really know that? Or am I filling in the blanks with my fears?”
This small shift can save you a lot of stress.
Find the meaning that helps you grow
There’s a difference between what happens and what it means to you. You get to choose that meaning.
You can decide that challenges are chances to grow. You can see mistakes as lessons. You can see hard times as ways to build strength.
This doesn’t mean pretending bad things are good. It means asking, “How can I use this? What can I take from this that makes me stronger or wiser?”
That choice is always yours. And making it changes how you feel about everything that happens.
What you focus on shapes what you see
If you look for problems, you’ll find them. If you look for what’s going well, you’ll find that too. Your mind is great at proving itself right. So choose what you want to see more of.
I don’t mean ignoring real problems. I mean noticing the good alongside the hard stuff. If you’re only looking at what’s missing or what went wrong, life feels heavy.
But if you also look at what’s working or what’s possible, things feel lighter. You’ll find more chances to make things better.
Small shifts add up
You don’t have to overhaul how you see everything overnight. Small changes count. The next time something doesn’t go your way, pause.
Ask yourself: “What else could this mean? What could be good about this?” Even if you don’t have a full answer, asking the question helps.
Over time, these small moments add up. You start to build a habit of seeing things in a way that helps you grow. And bit by bit, your whole outlook changes.
Surround yourself with people who help you see new angles
Who you spend time with affects how you see things. If you’re around people who always see the worst, that rubs off on you. If you’re around people who look for the good, that rubs off too.
I’ve found it helps to spend time with people who challenge my thinking. People who ask good questions. People who see possibilities.
People who don’t let me get stuck in my old stories. They help me see things I wouldn’t have seen on my own.
Give yourself time
Changing how you see things takes practice. You won’t always get it right. Some days, the old way of seeing things will take over. That’s okay. Be patient with yourself. Each time you try again, you’re building a new way of thinking. And that matters.
A little gratitude changes everything
It sounds simple, but it works. When you stop and notice what you’re thankful for, your whole mood shifts.
It doesn’t mean the hard stuff goes away. It means you’re also seeing the good. And that changes how the hard stuff feels.
I like to think of one thing each day that I’m glad to have. It could be small—like a good cup of coffee, or a kind word, or the fact that the sun came out after days of rain.
Noticing those things helps me see the world in a brighter light.
You’re the author of your own meaning
What happens in your life isn’t always up to you. But what it means to you? That part is. You get to write that part of the story. You can choose meanings that help you move forward.
You can choose ways of seeing things that help you grow. And when you do, life feels less like something happening to you, and more like something you’re shaping each day.