If last time I talked about how to overcome fear, then this time I will talk about how to overcome setbacks and failures.
If there’s one thing life guarantees, it’s that things won’t always go your way. You can put in the hours, plan everything down to the last detail, and still find yourself face-to-face with a setback.
I know because I’ve had my fair share. As a freelance writer, I’ve had projects rejected, pitches ignored, and clients vanish mid-project.
I’ve watched ideas I was sure would take off completely flop. At first, these moments felt like personal defeats.
But over time, I learned that handling failure isn’t about avoiding it. It’s about what you do after it happens.
It’s not about pretending failure doesn’t hurt
There’s no point trying to act like failure doesn’t sting. It does. That’s normal. When something I care about falls apart, I feel it.
There’s disappointment, frustration, and sometimes that small voice in my head asking why I even tried in the first place.
But I’ve learned that pushing those feelings aside doesn’t help. The real way forward comes when I allow myself to feel what I feel without letting it take over.
It’s not about being tough all the time. It’s about giving yourself permission to be human for a moment.
It’s about asking honest questions
After the first wave of emotion passes, I find it helps to take a closer look at what went wrong. Not in a harsh, self-punishing way but with curiosity.
I ask myself simple questions: What didn’t work? Did I overlook something important? Could I have approached it differently?
Sometimes the answers surprise me. Other times, I realize that the setback had more to do with timing or things outside my control.
What matters is that I look at it with clear eyes instead of trying to place blame or make excuses.
It’s not about trying to control everything
One of the hardest lessons I’ve had to learn is that not everything is within my control. I can prepare, work hard, and do my best, but that doesn’t mean I’ll always get the result I want.
Sometimes the timing isn’t right. Sometimes the audience just doesn’t connect with my work. I used to think this meant I wasn’t good enough.
Now I understand it’s just part of how life works. Putting too much energy into controlling every little detail only leads to more stress.
It’s about doing what I can and accepting what I can’t change.
It’s about seeing setbacks as information
When a project fails or a plan falls apart, I try to see it as information rather than a verdict. Every failure tells me something.
Maybe it shows me where I need to improve. Maybe it shows me what doesn’t work for me. Either way, it’s valuable.
Once I started looking at setbacks this way, I stopped seeing them as personal flaws. Instead, they became part of the learning process.
Each failure became a stepping stone instead of a roadblock.
It’s not about rushing to bounce back
There’s a lot of pressure these days to move on quickly. But in my experience, rushing only leads to more mistakes.
I’ve learned to give myself time. Time to think, time to reflect, and time to rest if I need it. When I slow down, I make better choices about what to do next.
And when I do decide to try again, I’m doing it with a clear mind—not out of panic or the need to prove something right away.
It’s about adjusting the plan without giving up on the goal
Just because one path didn’t work doesn’t mean the destination isn’t worth it. When a writing project doesn’t land the way I hoped, I don’t scrap the idea altogether.
I look for other ways to approach it. Maybe that pitch wasn’t right for that publication. Maybe the angle wasn’t quite what the audience wanted.
Adjusting the plan doesn’t mean abandoning the dream. It means being flexible enough to find a way that works.
It’s not about comparing yourself to others
Nothing makes a failure feel worse than looking around and seeing other people who seem to have it all figured out. I used to do this a lot.
I’d see other writers publishing books, landing big clients, or growing huge followings, and I’d think I must be doing something wrong.
But the truth is, everyone faces setbacks. I just wasn’t seeing theirs. I stopped comparing and focused on my own progress.
That made all the difference. It’s not about being better than someone else. It’s about being better than I was yesterday.
It’s about building habits that help you through hard times
When failure hits, it helps to have routines that ground you. For me, that’s writing every day, even if it’s just a few lines in my journal.
It’s going for walks when I feel stuck. It’s having a small group of friends I can talk to about what’s going on.
These simple habits don’t make the setback disappear, but they do make it easier to handle. They remind me that life keeps moving, and so can I.
It’s not about waiting for motivation to strike
After a failure, it can be tempting to wait until I feel motivated again. But I’ve found that motivation usually shows up after I start working, not before.
So even when I don’t feel like it, I try to take small steps. Maybe that means jotting down ideas, reading something inspiring, or just opening a document and writing the first sentence.
The key is to stay in motion, even if it’s slow at first.
It’s about finding meaning in the process
At the end of the day, what keeps me going isn’t the idea of success. It’s the process itself. I enjoy writing. I enjoy coming up with ideas.
I enjoy trying to connect with people through my work. When I focus on that, the failures feel smaller.
They’re just part of the larger picture. I don’t need everything to be perfect. I just need to keep going.
It’s not about making failure part of your identity
One mistake I made early on was letting failure define how I saw myself. If something didn’t work out, I’d think of myself as someone who just couldn’t succeed.
That mindset kept me stuck. What helped me break out of it was realizing that failure is something that happens. It’s not who I am.
I’m not my worst day. I’m not my last rejection. I’m someone who tries, learns, and keeps moving forward.
It’s about choosing what to take with you
Every failure leaves you with something. The trick is choosing what to carry and what to leave behind.
I try to take the lessons, the parts that help me grow, and leave behind the self-doubt and unnecessary worry.
Not everything that comes out of a setback is useful. I’ve learned to be selective. That way, I’m lighter and stronger for the next challenge.
Final thoughts
Failure isn’t fun, but it’s part of the deal. You can’t chase big dreams or take risks without running into a few brick walls.
What matters is what you do when that happens. It’s not about being perfect or getting it right every time.
It’s about staying in the game, learning as you go, and remembering that setbacks don’t have to stop you. They can shape you into someone stronger, wiser, and more creative than you were before.
So the next time something falls apart, give yourself a moment. Feel what you feel. Then take a deep breath, look at what happened, and ask yourself what comes next.
That’s where the real growth begins.